Let’s start off by looking at men throughout the Bible because for some reason I think the Church has adopted a version of manhood that plays along the ‘worldly’ fringe while trying to weave some ‘godliness’ into it. Scary isn’t it, I mean this seems to be the same strategy that Satan uses to get many well meaning people and movements off target doesn’t it? So, what does the Bible have to say, or what examples of manhood do we find in the Bible? To start off, I am not going to give in depth studies on each of the men mentioned- that’s for a different type of study- but I will give the names and a brief description of what the men were known for and some things that deal with the type of ‘man’ they were. It won’t be an extensive list or a list of all the famous men in the Bible; rather, it will be a list of men where we can look and see the contrasting differences between the men we are looking at. So, here we go:
I want to start with Adam (Genesis 2-5) simply because he was the first man. Adam was created by God and in God’s image: he was the first human created and was created from the dirt! God breathed his life spirit into Adam which ‘quickened’ the man into a ‘living soul’. Shortly after the life was given to him we are told that God saw that Adam needed companionship. This was made evident by God saying ‘ it’s not good for man to be alone’, so, God made for Adam his wife, Eve. Eve was made as a ‘helpmate’ to Adam. This word ‘helpmate’ in the original Hebrew actually means ‘one who corresponds’. Adam was made to be an initiator and Eve was made (built in Hebrew) to respond to the man as he initiated the relationship. Now Adam and Eve worked side by side in the garden God had planted for them and even though Adam was first created and is the head over the woman, he doesn’t appear controlling of the woman: she had the freedom to wander (and wonder) about the garden, to talk to a serpent that was hanging around the forbidden tree and even talked her husband into eating the appealing ‘forbidden fruit’! Notice in this instance, Adam didn’t ‘initiate’ the eating of the forbidden fruit; he responded! Adam, by not following the role that God had made for him, followed Eve into sin and became the ‘originator’ or the ‘original’ sinner: Adam was considered the originator of sin for the entire human race due to him being the ‘head’ of the original family and thus the ‘head’ of the entire progeny that followed after him. Death and decay began at this time due to a choice that Adam (and Eve) made to follow their own way instead of Gods. Once done we see Adam called out by God during a time that was usually reserved for some walking and talking between God and Adam. Because of what had happened with the forbidden fruit and sin, and because the man was held accountable for his wife’s actions as the leader of the family, and after being questioned by God, Adam tries to shift the blame to his wife (followed by Eve when she tried to shift the blame to Satan!) As consequence for his sin, Adam was cast out of the paradise along with Eve and was banned from eating of the ‘Tree of Life’, which in God’s judgement and mercy, kept man from living forever in a sinful body which would never be redeemed. Once cast from the garden we see Adam ‘know’ his wife, which shows that he loved her and had compassion and relationship with her. They had children; they had disaster in the family when one male child murders another because of jealousy: they had a son that turned from God; they had a child that followed God. This was Adam: a man who needed a wife and loved his wife and her companionship. A man who loved God and walked with him and talked to him. A man who had a hard time with blame and had difficulties in his family. He worked the land and saw his family grow and eventually saw the beginning of a turning back to god.
There is not a lot said about the way Adam’s life ended. In the first part of Genesis 5 we see him father a child, Seth, and then we read that he lived 930 years and died. And just like most of the lives that are recorded in the word of God, without any fanfare, he dies, no eulogy is recorded. We don’t know if he ever truly repented of his rebellion, we don’t know if he ever spoke to his son Cain about the wrong he had done, we don’t know if he raised his children in the ‘fear of God’. We do see a lot of collateral damage done by a man who didn’t choose to follow his God given role as head of the first family; a man who appeared to love his earthly life and relationships more than the life and relationship he had with his creator, his father, his God. The life of this one man is at the Apex of history, all one need do when they are struggling is look back down that long corridor of time to that first man and you will there discover the beginning of your sorrows: Adam.
So, what does this tell us about us? As a man, what can I glean from the life of Adam? Let’s begin with Adam’s relationship with his wife, Eve. God made Adam to be the initiator in the ‘marriage’ and from this we can see that a man should be the initiator in his own marriage. Men should be able to draw out of their wife the loving and respectful response they are looking for. This happens by being a communicator! Yes, men are to communicate with their wives. Let her know what you think about her, tell her what makes you love her and yes, let her know how beautiful she is! (Adam basically broke out into a happy dance and song when he saw Eve!- ‘At last, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh!’) It also says in the passage, ‘they were both naked and not ashamed.” Men, never shame your wife, ever! She is ‘bone of your bone, and flesh of your flesh’, you are her protector, and her leader, never make her feel emotionally or physically abandoned. Your communication doesn’t have to be in long drawn out conversations about ‘the latest gossip’ or what you are thinking about every minute (most men can actually be thinking of ‘nothing’- really!), but what it does mean is that you include her in any plans you may be making, share what you are doing at work (it doesn’t have to be all the details- she probably doesn’t want all of them!), what are the spiritual things you have been thinking about or studying, what are your plans for your family and your future. Make her your favorite part of the day, and never let her feel lonely even though your are in the same room with her.
Now let’s talk about being a leader. What does it mean for a man to lead his family? A lot of men think that being a leader is the same as being a commander, a General Patton! But really, do you think real ‘manhood’ is found in Patton or Jesus? If we are christian men, Jesus should be our example, and in Adam’s relationship with Eve we can get a glimpse of what a leader that is in the line of Jesus should (and shouldn’t) look like. Notice that Adam wasn’t controlling. He didn’t try to control Eve’s every move in the garden. As a matter of fact, even when he should have exerted his spiritual leadership and stood between his wife and the serpent protecting her (and his future family) from harm, he didn’t. So, yes there is a time for you as a leader to invoke the right of leadership. It may be a surprise to many men, but their wife is waiting for them to lead! Yes, if in fact you are accomplishing the communication piece we just talked about, a man’s wife will be more than happy to have him lead (and so will his family). Leadership is actually invoking your right to ‘protect’ your wife and your family. If the man is leading out of love for God, love for his wife and love for his family above his own, he will lead when required to do so out of his duty as a leader to protect his family from harm: physical harm, relational harm, emotional harm and spiritual harm. The leader of the home is the protector of the home, not the dictator of the home. You can see then, that when part of the leadership formula- the communication part or the leadership part is missing, stunted or twisted, the relationship will suffer; however, when both parts are in place and active, the relationship can flourish.
When the first two parts of Adam’s example are done correctly: communication is happening on all levels and leadership is taking place in an appropriate, protective, non-dictatorial way, even a non-christian or non-religious home can be a good experience and a relationship can experience benefits of ‘doing it the right way’. But, if you want to taste some of the fruit of what Adam was experiencing in his relationship before eating the ‘forbidden fruit’, there is one essential element that must be in place: your relationship with God and your spiritual leadership. As the man, Adam was placed in the family as the head. He was the first created man, he was the first created husband and he was the first created father. In all ways Adam was to be the head, the leader of his wife and children but this was especially true in his relationship to God. Adam had a loving Father who wanted the best for him. He wanted Adam to love him freely, to give glory to him as the creator of all things and to lead his creation. Adam had a personal, real relationship with God: they walked and talked together. God was Adam’s Father but also his teacher, his mentor and his leader. God explained to Adam what was expected, he made the rules of the family out of love for Adam and his, His rules were made for protection of Adam and his family, His rules were made out of His love. Out of this example Adam was to lead his family. He was to tell them about God and His ways, to show them how the commands were not burdens but were there to protect us and keep us from harm. Adam was to instruct Eve and his family about God and his ways. After the fall, Adam should have been leading his family into the right understanding of how to offer to God and the kind of heart men of God were to have. He was supposed to be the spiritual leader of his family.
When a man is fulfilling the three parts of relationship: the initiating, communicative leader; the loving, protective leader; and the Godly spiritual leader; his life as a man will be fulfilling and he will be able to experience some of what Adam, the first man, was created for.
Next time we will look at two brothers that give quite a contrast of manhood and will put a toll on the modern day ‘concept’ of what a ‘real’ man looks like: bring on Jacob and Esau!
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